Snapshot Log III
1/1/21
Not sure if I have really done much writing recently. I mean I have but not like this, some tap tap, more like editing, tidying, tying up loose ends of other bits an' pieces to be precise. The upshot of all that is that I now have projects, works, which are now definitely - most definitively - complete in the sense that there will be no going back to them ever again. Not unless there is new material - fresh stuff - to add which has not been written yet. In that sense things have been busy, in terms of making those works presentable or at least getting to the point where I know there is nothing more I can add to them.
The whole process, this current period of activity, actually started when I worked on something which wasn't mine to begin with, just a piece I tidied up. In this case it was my grandfather Charles Bradley's Wartime Log which I worked on throughout the months of May and June 2020. His Wartime Log is basically a log book he wrote or put together about his experience of being a Prisoner of War for 4 and a half years in Germany from 1941 - 1945. When I say log book I don't mean an actual 200 page book full of text or anything like that, but more a log with facts, photos and newspaper cuttings in it, as well as a bit of writing on day to day life inside the prison camp which went by the name of Milag Nord and was located in the north west of Germany relatively close to the city of Bremen. What I did was create a digital version of it by way of an 88 page PDF which I then got printed. The PDF I emailed to my Dad as well as mailing him the printed version, both of which I think he was pretty pleased with.
Guess it is fair to say I was also pretty happy with it as well, felt like I had done a good job and that if he had seen it, my grandfather might have liked it also. When scanning the pages of the Log I took the liberty of re-structuring it once I had loaded everything onto my desktop publishing, so that it read easier and there was better continuity with regard to its contents, but apart from that all the work is his and his alone. It has languished in its original form for the best part of 80 years, hardly ever having been looked at, just stuffed away in one drawer after another; to give it a brush down and re-vamp felt like a good job done. And who knows, maybe through those mists of deepest universal mystery, it also made him happy.
The spirit of that work - or rather the enjoyment I got from doing it - carried on through to me going back to my Bob Dylan material which I'd written up years ago and tidying all that up as well. Anyway to cut a long story short here is the list of the stuff I have worked away at since May 2020, all of which are now what I consider to be completed, and of course the reason why I have been able to do this is because of COVID 19 and the regular lockdowns we have all been placed under.
A Wartime Log
Integrity: Bob Dylan as Performer in the Life Of An Ordinary Fan
Ashram Files: Trips to Tiruvannamalai 2012 - 2020
Australia Trip 2010
Australia Trip 2010: Illustrated
From the above the first three have been printed up by AZO Print in Holborn and the last two will be sometime hopefully in the next few weeks. They are hard evidence, if you like, of the work I have done. A lot of revisiting and revising to lick them into any kind of shape has been part of the deal, no doubt about that, and even then there is no guarantee they are anywhere near being good enough for others to read without me hanging my head in tortured embarrassment. So any new writing has not really happened because of all this stuff going on and the fact of the matter is that it may not yet for some time to come because I have got other stuff up my sleeve which I want to still get done, namely -
Golden Telescope - read, check, edit.
Snapshot Log, Snapshot Log II - read, check.
India Trip 2020 - write up
In addition to all the above, the other thing I have been quietly working away at is adding posts to my blog Traceless Trails.
2/1/21
So last year - 2020 - I guess I didn't get to write a Snapshot Log, but in a way I did, because over the course of a 6 week period - maybe less, maybe more, not quite sure - I wrote something called Lockdown Log which detailed - on a daily basis - my experience of living under lockdown in London due to the outbreak of Coronavirus. Think it ran for over 2 months, actually now that I come to think about it, it was from the end of March to early June. Anyway that was then and this is now, and along with that comes the idea for me to do another Snapshot Log for these first few weeks of 2021. Test the water, see which way the wind is now blowin' in the course of my life, an' all that. So this means - if at all possible - daily entries with info on my thoughts an’ doings. Will I be able to carry it through? Well, I guess we'll see!
entrance into the heart cave
is the activation of Siva - Sakti
it's a simple thing to do
once you know the structure
of the residence in which you will abide
3/1/21
So the trick is to wake up each morning then go down and meditate. Structure of sittings at present goes something like a 216 on the breath count with a little bit more besides when it comes to de ole kundalini.
This is the deal, this is the way for me at present when it comes to the sittin'. Light of inverted triangle at Ajna streaming down in warm golden light within a pristine white circle upon which lies the sacred syllable Om. Face of the guru then seen through the light of the 3rd Eye. Anahata is the meeting place of Siva - Sakti, frame of two triangles coming together as a hexagon which opens up the heart cave, within which deities reside. Sittin' on the shores of a vast expanse of blue water in the middle of which lies an ever burnin' flame of the individual life-force.
Oh yes, these days the location for my morning meditations has shifted from the shrine room up at the top of the house down to the ground floor.
4/1/21
So it's a snapshot shakedown of the ole 1 2 3. Had a flyin' dream early this morning, kickin' my legs and elevating up into the air until I was on top of the ceiling, barely contained by the four walls of the room or building I was in. Think it might have come about from waking up around 4 am and having a dialogue with myself about the chakras, specifically the heart chakra and how amazing it must be to open the space contained within its structure. After all we are more space - emptiness than flesh an' bone, right?
Anyway, as this is gonna be Snapshot Log III here are some of the differences between this one and the first two, and all because of Covid 19 - no swimming down at the Aquatics, no City Lit writing courses in Covent Garden, no use of Redbridge Libraries. Seemingly inconsequential things you might initially think, but actually within the parameters of my own little world, quite a big deal. There will be their absence to mention during the course of this log, however long it lasts, oh, and there is also the fact of us not going to India as well. Shit, forgot about that one! This is because travel at the moment from the UK to Asia is more or less completely off the agenda, well certainly if you're a tourist, visas for one thing are impossible to get. So yes, there is that to consider as well. Quite a lot then, between this and the first two Snapshot Logs. All those will be the things that will be missing, but remembered and talked about no doubt from time to time. There has still been plenty of walkin' for me however, and as a consequence me and Dawa Dolkar now know Epping Forest inside out, along with one or two other places as well.
In the final quarter of last year I did three long City Walks west to east on a trajectory which took in Kensington Park Gardens, The Round Pond, Hyde Park, The Serpentine, Hyde Park Corner, Green Park, Piccadilly Circus, Leicester Square, Covent Garden, Holborn, Lincoln's Inn Fields, Chancery Lane, Holborn Viaduct, Old Bailey, St. Paul's, The City, Liverpool Street Station. All of them pretty much in that order.
My first such walk was at the end of September, final week to be exact, and at that point everywhere was pretty empty. Due to wet weather no such walk was undertaken in October but when I did my second one at the end of November things were pretty busy, plenty of people out and about. The final one of the three, which was in the middle of December was also busy, with at times something almost resembling a pre-Christmas buzz in the air. Got to say that it was good to have made that walk during those last months of 2020 as it has been a few years since I have taken a walk in Hyde Park but this year, or rather last year now, things were different.
standin' by the Serpentine
my inner lights are shinin'
'cross an expanse of water
which makes me feel just fine
It so happens to be the case that at the moment I am doing the edit notes to Snapshot Log II which was written over a year ago now and has already been printed up once. Oh well, another trip down to AZO beckons once these new corrections are in the bag and yes, there has turned out to be quite a lot of them!
Meditation these days comprises of livin' in the chakras, visualizing them, feeling them and thoroughly knowing in my heart of hearts that as key aspects of the subtle body they are most definitely real. No doubt about that! From the brow chakra of Ajna, a yellow triangle points down with gold light streaming out from the sides of it. All placed within a pure white circle and above which sits a shining white Om syllable of sacred significance. Above the Om syllable is a white crescent and above the crescent is a white dot within which the Ajna deity resides.
So today 4/1/21 is an important day in the sense that we are now - as the UK/GB - back in lockdown. Pretty much back in the same position as March / April 2020 in other words, only worse because there is now a variant to the virus, named the UK Variant, which makes this damn bloody Covid much more infectious and has pushed up the number of positive cases as a consequence. The knock on effect from all this is that a greater number of people are now under the cosh and in that regard we're only at the beginning of January but already the hospitals are nearly full with plenty more sick people still to come. Scary, scary shit brickin’ stuff! The virus, after what will soon be a full year, is still ahead of us, shape shifting and mutating as we speak, full of fucking gas and getting harder to control. So that is why we're back in lockdown, in an attempt to try to put a lid on it, but it might already be the case the cat is out the bag, well an' truly out da fucken' bag!
5/1/21
Visualizations in meditation. Balls of intensely luminous light are rollin' in from other dimensions, so what can I say?
My mother, who is in her 80s, well into them as a matter of fact, wants me to write a poem on her behalf describing the frustrations of her experience of being under lockdown in South Wales during this time of Coronavirus. Something for me to do at last, a commission no less, ha ha!
So the re-reads of the first two Snapshot Logs have thrown up the realisation that the writing in Snapshot Log I is better than Snapshot II and therefore I need to make sure that I get back on track with what goes into Snapshot III. This, in other words. Dunno why it has gone that way, maybe just the material I had to play with, but there is something a little bit slapdash about Snapshot II which I don't quite like, which makes me think in a lot of parts it’s really a bit shit.
Today was a typical day I guess as far as the morning was concerned where I was up and on the cushion by 7.40. The setting has changed somewhat compared to when I was writing about it in Snapshot II. Now I meditate downstairs in Dawa Dolkar's consultation room on the ground floor of the house, mainly for reasons of quiet, all due to early risin' kids next door whose little screams an' shouts I can hear through our walls of the shrine room at the top. So much so that it throws me out of the peace garden, chars my Anahata heart chakra as the frame starts smokin' with all kinds of thoughts which take me far away from where I wanna be. Actually in that respect the thing to do is go fearlessly into those thoughts and visualize them within those inner realms as clearly as possible, so that the double triangle yantra and petals of the heart lotus turn a thick smokin' black, like an oil well on fire, and through such transformation lies the way to release those thoughts into space.
Well anyway, if I stayed upstairs I guess I would have plenty of opportunity to do all that, but I don't because I know I can’t handle it and so I head down instead, where I sit in more or less relative silence with only my thought show for company, which of course is more than enough to keep me goin’. Never mind outside interferences such as dem maddening kiddy squawkers doin’ me nut in, just to have a taste of the cacophony within my own head is to see what the real state of play is. So it is the ground floor for me after a splash of water cold over my face and a quick brush of my teeth. Collecting my meditation cushion from the shrine room, along with the photo I have of the face of the guru Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi, I take them down with me to Dawa Dolkar's room, where I slightly open the slidin' French door to let some cold winter air in from the back garden, light a tea light in front of the Medicine Buddha statue and Medicine Buddha thangka hanging on the wall, and then in front of me I place the face of the guru so that during the course of my sittin' his gaze is forever upon me.
Oh yeah, here's what I came up with for me 'ole ma down in Wales.
communicate
being over 80 we should be seen
as something really great
but society's conspiracies
seek to push us under the plate
and make us wait at a station
where there is no consideration
given to our fate
which saddens me to contemplate
and it causes great alarm
to think we do little more
than lie in the way of harm
while others sit and cogitate
on when and where to give us
a jab in the arm
before the closing of the gate
6/1/21
And so the show goes on. Not a great sleep last night, one of those where I felt I just didn't ever really go under, sleep without a sleep in other words. Just goes with the territory I guess. Meditation a straight 216 this morning with the usual things gone over, usual ground covered; inversion of triangle in Ajna with golden light streaming down its sides; opening up the heartlands of Anahata and the shimmering petals of the heart lotus, behind which lies an infinity of wonders; down in the depths to make obeisance to Lord Ganapati and the illumination of the sacred red dot. All looked over of course by the face of my guru, all brought back into focus when awareness tunes to the sensation and movement of the breath. And as long as I am fit for it, my daily morning meditation is most certainly something which I'll always do.
On the writing front I finished up something called Mini Oz which I'll send to my Dad, covering as it does just a couple of pieces and some photos tagged on the end of it, all in regard to our Australia 2010 trip which I have finally finished tidying up and which has already been listed above as one of my completed works. There was also a poem - Communicate - written for my mum and which I'll send her along with the stuff for Dad, hers as an email Word doc attachment and Dad's as a PDF. Still reading through Snapshot Log II with some light edits thrown in along the way and with only about 10 pages left that should be in the can later today. Good. Time to move on after that. Got my India 2020 notes to write up and also - long delayed - a thorough read through of Golden Telescope which was written in 2019 over a year ago now and which covers the first 27 years of my life.
General situation in the country is that we're back in lockdown and the thing which is in my mind today with regard to all that is that it is only the first course. And as if to reinforce those feelings here is what was written on the sign in the front garden of a house close to where we live -
WITH THE ADVENT OF 2021 THE NOOSE WILL TIGHTEN AS THE GOV ATTAIN TOTAL CONTROL OVER YOUR LIVES UNDER THE GUISE OF A PERMANENT HEALTH CRISIS. THIS IS RECOGNISED AS "PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE." THE MINORITY OF FREE THINKING PEOPLE WILL FURTHER DIMINISH AS THEY BECOME COERCED INTO ACCEPTING A POLITICAL VACCINE AND REGULAR TESTING IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN THEIR JOBS, CHILDREN'S EDUCATION, MEDICARE, SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE, TRAVEL RIGHTS ET AL.
Yeah, there is some strange stuff going on these days, that's for sure. When we're out the other side of it by the far the biggest challenge for the Western World will be containing the onward march of China and in that respect there is no doubt in my mind that it will be the most powerful country in the world - by far - by the time 2030 comes along, end of the decade in other words, if not sooner. I mean it's so fucking obvious, but people have no idea what's coming. If they thought COVID was bad it will seem like a walk in the park compared to what the Chinese have got in store for us. Can they be stopped? The pessimist in me says no, most definitely not, but then again no one knows the future. Just as the events of the past year have proved! There is so much crazy news around at the moment it’s astounding, just seen pictures of Trump supporters storming the Senate on Capitol Hill in D.C. On top of all the virus woes besetting the UK at the moment, it almost seems too much to contemplate. Fall of America, no more Uncle Sam, Trumpy back with a bang!
Just spent some time organising what will be my next 6 posts on my blog Traceless Trails and I think I have got them sorted, covering as they do my 2020 trip to Athithi Ashram in Tiruvannamalai. They follow on from my series of postings on my trip to Oz with my father which was over 10 years ago now. A very enjoyable trip it was too, great to revisit it after such a space of time and to invest enough energy in it to finish things off properly.
7/1/21
So this is gonna be Snapshot Log III. Just finished the final read through and edits of Snapshots I & II which is a relief, as some of the writing contained within them is of variable quality shall we say. Now those two Snapshots each went on for a few weeks, and I guess it is gonna be the same for this one as well, maybe longer, till the end of Jan, we'll just have to see how much repetition there is in what I write and what I'll need to can. In many ways the scope is less for this one - at least in terms of outside activities and their description - because we are in lockdown. Guess I could call this Lockdown Log II then, following on from the one I did Mar - Jun 20, but no, I don't think so, because although the virus situation in the country is grim, it feels better going for Snapshot Log III. Not that it is astoundingly important of course, whatever it's called, in fact it is astoundingly unimportant if truth be told.
In terms of write up material, besides whatever this will be and also the contents of my Lockdown Log from last year, the only stuff I have left to copy up onto my Toshiba and make good are the notes I have from my last trip to India in 2020 and some of those, the ones which cover my stay in Athithi Ashram in Tiruvannamalai, have been done already. This means that what remains from them are my Bylakuppe notes and also my notes of the trip I made to Kollegal, another Tibetan settlement in South India, and from there an overnight trip to Coimbatore in Tamil Nadu, including notes of a ride out to the ashram of Sadhguru, Isha Yoga Centre, about 30 kilometres west of the city. Guess I will start on those soon, otherwise it might get a bit too far down the line in terms in terms of the ole memory banks to piece it all back together.
Each day at the moment sees some form of walking, or at least pretty much each day. Me and Dawa Dolkar have been up to Epping Forest on countless occasions over the course of the last year and at times it has been pretty crowded due to the lack of other places for people to go, especially now that once again the great majority of us are shut up in our houses and technically speaking only allowed out for exercise once a day. No temples in other words, for people - the consumer people - to go and pray in. Shops! Other than Epping Forest with its amazing trees, some of which are hundreds of years old, there have been the usual walks down to South Woodford to buy groceries whenever we need 'em and also of course there have been the trips I make to the Post Office in order to send out medicines for Dawa Dolkar. All in all under these conditions, where in many ways things are much more simplified, I have to say that time passes quite quickly, more than quite actually, make that very. Days an' weeks all roll into one and seem to pick up speed as they do.
Workin' away on all the writin' stuff I do has seen me follow a pattern pretty much set in stone these last few months, where 3.30 - 6.00 is when I sit downstairs an' do my tappin’ and then again in the late evening, say from 9.30 or 10.00 until around midnight. Guess this routine has been kept up seven days a week and it always seems like there is something for me to do. I mean let's face it, a lot of what I have written can be improved upon, so often it is a case sometimes of going back to it again and again in the quest of making it presentable, tolerable even.
8/1/21
So we're on the slim slow shuffle ride with this the third Snapshot Log. At the moment, as far as the Toshiba work is concerned, I'm now writing up my India 2020 notes and my first impression of them is they're actually pretty boring, but then again what did I expect exactly? I mean it might be India but apart from that it is often just the same things I end up doing there and they are hardly the stuff of which great mind blowin' adventures are made. No worries though, I'll just carry on, guess it keeps me outta trouble after all and also gives me a chance to play - as background music of course, nuthin' more than that - the re-mastered box set of Fleetwood Mac albums I recently invested in which covers their output from the years 1969 - 1974. Some of it is pretty great I have to say, tons more interesting than what they did from 1977 onwards, after the phenomenal success of their multi-million selling Rumours album turned them into one of the most famous bands on the planet. Funny really, or not so funny at all actually, in that the three key players from that early period are now dead, where after leaving the group and before the big time, they lived what I guess were very different lives compared to those left in the spotlight. The three members in question being Danny Kirwan, Bob Welch and Peter Green. Just the way it goes, call it fate, the roll of the dice within the earthly premises of the karma machine where the winners take it all.
Anyway, there is all that, the India 2020 note writin' and the Fleetwood Mac listenin' - in the background of course - to keep things tickin' along. As it is early January, the weather is pretty cold, dry though, not wet, with lots of cloudy days, uniform cloud going from one end of the horizon to the other, which can make one feel like it's somewhat oppressive at times. A bit monotonous then in some ways, but nice in the early mornings when I do my meditation, which at the moment seems to be undertaken in an almost perpetual half-light. Every day it seems like I’m pretty much keepin' the same schedule so far as the sittin' goes, getting down on the cushion by around 7.30 and doing I guess on average something like 90 minutes, give or take the odd few here an' there. Hope it continues to do me good, I mean I know of course I am not perfect in any way, shape or form, which means that meditation is the main task at hand for me when it comes to trying to keep a lid on those mental afflictions which can so easily overwhelm one. By that I mean things like worry, stress, fear, anger, irritation; the usual deal in other words, the same stuff we all have to go through in varying degrees whilst we try to work it out. Fear of the consequences of particular actions, imagined usually but enough to waste my time, send my head spinnin', is what has to be overcome. Using meditation to focus on things like that, and hopefully getting some form of benefit, is pretty much what I do to see me though.
Back to it again and again, that is the way it has been for a few years now - and make no mistake - I am grateful to have the opportunity to do it, to have the time, no matter how shaky or unfocused things can sometimes be. That don't matter, thing is always to pick myself back up and carry on. What's this then? A meditation pep talk? A contemplation refresher? Yeah maybe, something like that, but good to do it nevertheless. You can never know too much after all. Besides, apart from all this psychologizin', there is also the opportunity within the sittin' to dive into the incontestable reality of the wonderful world of the chakras. And here we are talking about lightning of Om within the realm of the Third Eye before diving into the heartlands of the Anahata where an ever changin' vista of unbelievable peace resides; call it Shanti Bahvan, recite the mantra Om Shanti and fire up the sacred flame which lies within the very core of you, deep within the Heart Cave. A chakra held in symbolism by the meeting of the two triangles, one pointing up one pointing down, union of Siva - Sakti, where the space of place created is simply incredible. Only then do you realise how much of the body is outright emptiness and that on the highway of meditation at that point, the juncture of Anahata, it is possible to sail on thru', forever takin' in as much of this never ending show before your inner eye opened.
9/1/21
So we're in the thick of it again as far as the virus is concerned. More than the thick of it really as over 1300 people died yesterday and things show no sign of stopping anytime soon. Fact of the matter is that it is worse now than when it was during the 1st lockdown and that is mainly because 1) it is January which is the middle of winter and the weather is cold and 2) the new variant is making it a hell of a lot easier to catch. The simple pattern from all that is the greater the number of people who get it, the more of them will die. So on a general level it is probably fair to say that we could well be looking at over 1,000 deaths a day from the virus right up until the end of this month, of which there are still 3 weeks to go, so that means over 20,000 people. History of course has seen all this before, London in particular. There was the Plague in the 1660’s at the time of the great Samuel Pepys and a couple of hundred years before that there was the far more serious Black Death which decimated the population of Europe. Things come in cycles, visitations occur and sometimes somewhere, something wicked this way comes.
It means on an individual level, or micro level, things stay pretty much the same each day in terms of what is done. Speaking for myself, if I were to break things down into chunks, I guess an average day would go something like this -
7.30 - 9.30 (approx) = meditation / 9.30 - 12.30 = house stuff and work for Dawa Dolkar / 12.30 - 2.30 / 3.00 = walk, shopping for groceries, posting of meds (if not already done before) / 3.00 = lunch (oh yes, breakfast is usually at around 11.00) / 3.30 - 6.00 or 6.15 = writing / 6.15 - 7.15 = early evening bath and food preparation / 8.00 = dinner followed by relaxation - TV, dominoes - until 10.00 when I come down and do more writing, usually until sometime around midnight.
And that is pretty much it at the moment, day in, day out. Not a bad life really as long as we all stay fit. In that regard of course the main thing in terms of one's outside activities is not to expose ourselves to the virus, follow the government advice in other words, which is really quite simple: Stay At Home. Save Lives. Protect the NHS. So all this is what I pretty much do with a few exceptions here and there, like the very occasional excursion into London or something like that, but not much else really. We are lucky that we are not working in occupations where there is a lot of interaction with other people. I know that if I was I would be finding things pretty scary because from all I have read and heard, this bug is something which you don't want to get. So on a general level this is how things stand, and as I said at the beginning of today's entry, it all shows no sign of slowing just yet and realistically we are looking until at least March before things might have any chance of changing, when hopefully the mass vaccination of the population will properly kick in. Until then we're all just going to have to sit tight and deal with the situation, both individually and collectively, in the best ways that we can.
10/1/21
Think from my meditation this morning I realised I need to move things up to a more expansive wholeness, whatever the fuck that means, except to say that if I try to mould the world to fit within the current parameters of my hopes an' expectations I am only going to suffer. The universe is quite simply way too vast and mysterious for any of that kinda deal makin', so when I get to the point where I just don't understand things I have to let go, simply have faith that all will be taken care of, because within the context of the big picture it is nuthin', simply nuthin' to get worked up about. It can be a cause of pain when things don't go according to plan, however what I may not realise is that I am merely part of a far bigger plan and that to try to control things so they conform to reachin' the satisfaction of my own ends is not necessarily the wisest course of action. Do all that you can do, sure, but then move on. Easy words to write of course, and what is harder is trying to navigate those emotional minefields when things go wrong.
Now you'll never guess what, but a funny thing has happened in regard to what has been written above and which was put down earlier today, and that "funny thing" is that I have since discovered that I have been the victim of a robbery. Not so funny at all really, but there you go, if I want to walk the walk I'm just gonna have to roll with the punches. Seems like a few nights ago a dodgy car made its way down the Crescent with guys inside it on the lookout for a catalytic converter to nick and it just so happened that they went ahead and nicked mine. Jacking up my Prius, reaching underneath and tearing it off from the underside of the car, just like that, all within the space of a few minutes. So it was time today to put my new found supposed realisation into action, expand my mind to the point where I didn't end up freaking out about it. Think I got there in the end, just about, but it took a couple of hours.
I went online and logged the case with the Met and a little while later got a call from them going over the details and giving me a case ref no. before telling me the case was now closed as there was nothing they could do about it since there was a negligible chance of ever catching the perpetrators and bringing them to justice. Pretty much as expected if truth be told, and really the only reason why I made the complaint or whatever it is you may wish to call it, was to get that case ref for insurance purposes and which indeed I now have, meaning I can start the whole deal tomorrow of claiming on my policy and all the rest of it.
11/1/21
Think I must be still recovering from the shock of finding out some low life punks stole my catalytic convertor from off the bottom of my Prius. Only found out yesterday and boy did it set the wheels turnin', especially in the light of what I had written earlier that morning about being more spiritually aware and learning to roll with the punches in as effortless manner as possible. Well, I sure got punched! Turned me white it did and for a little while I went on in myself, curled into a little ball figuratively speaking, and found it hard to operate. Now today begins the grind of sorting it all out - insurance, roadside recovery, Hills Toyota - to organise getting a replacement for the one which has gone. At least I've got the cops part of it out the way, got a case ref, which I guess is what I'll need if want to stand any chance of gettin' anything out of Churchill, my car insurance provider.
Been a while since something like this has come along, I mean the house got broken into about 10 years ago, but since then things have been pretty much OK. Now I will have to buy what is known as a CatLoc to try to enable that such a damn bloody annoying thing don't happen ever again, however, somewhat worryingly, the cops told me these people, punks, scum, whatever you wish to call them, often come back, as once they know they can do it and get away with it, they are hungry for more. Oh well, dear oh dear, back in the real world so to speak, no more chakras for the time bein' for me possibly, or bathin' in the light of the guru, more like the hard stone of sorting out stuff to do with money and property, rifle at the ready, eye on the target so to speak, tryin' to keep it all together an' the dogs at bay. Well, not as black and white as that of course, since I did my meditation this morning and it was actually pretty good once I'd cut through all the thought clutter which, somewhat inevitably, was mainly related to what has been described above; those robbers, dem dirty stinkin' robbers. No matter, still broke on thro' to clearer ground at some point in the sittin' and I'm grateful for that, forever grateful just to get the space to even try. Anyway, the keywords for today, at some point at least, are gonna be - Churchill, Hills Toyota, Roadside Recovery - so let's see how I get on.
12/1/21
Had a dull toothache in the night which strangely enough has now cleared since I have gotten up. Also had a stiff neck these last couple of days, fuck knows where that's come from. Time tickin' on as far as the old body clock goes I guess, I’ll be 59 in a couple of months, so the physical wear and tear is probably building up, or at least it can feel that way. Guess these physical discomforts might have manifested due to the mental stress I suddenly find myself under because of the stolen catalytic convertor on my Prius. Mind- body, who knows what the true cost between the two is when exchanges are made? All the same there is no doubt the last couple of days I have felt pretty weary, feeling as if life doesn't get easier, no, in some ways it becomes more difficult to hold on to what you already have.
On the subject of replacing the catalytic convertor I was pleasantly surprised after callin' Churchill because it turned out that my insurance (£350 excess notwithstanding) covered the repair of the convertor, well not the repair, replacement more like, since it was fuckin' well stolen, and not only that, they will be coming to pick it up and get it all sorted before returning it to me. In addition to all that they have also provided me with a courtesy car for the duration of the time that their garage - DLG Autos, Basildon- has the Prius, which means tomorrow morning after the Prius is picked up by DLG, I can go over to Enterprise in Ilford and collect it. All part of the deal apparently, something which I had no clue about since I have never made a claim with them before. Well, I ain't complaining about that! Depressing though, to realise how my property - our property - can at times be such an easy target and that if people want to nick something and are determined enough, they can seemingly get whatever they want without much fear of there being any payback, and all because it seems there is a negligible chance of them ever gettin' caught. The only thing to do is take care of your own security. Tool up. Finger on da fuckin’ trigger.
Writing all this after having just done a 108 meditation, half of what I usually do, so I might go back to it in a minute and carry on, but there is another thing, or it is another thing, where for the last coupla sessions it feels like the ole batteries have been gettin' low and, whilst not runnin' on empty, I can hardly say they have been sittin' sessions full of bounce and spot on awareness either. No, far from it, and again I think it is because I am tired deeper on down, just not able to apply myself with the same degree of energy as what I normally do. But then again you can so easily convince yourself those things might be the case when in actual fact just a bit more effort will make you see how illusory they are, little more than self-generated obstacles, that the bliss and freedom of what is our true nature forever lies inside us and is always available if we choose to seek it. So anyway for this morning's meditation I took a 15 min break to write the above before going on to do a 189 in total. Maybe it worked, after the writing my mind felt sharper, more in focus, so it is something I'll do again, one way of clearing up the debris possibly, but then again repeats can often turn out to be fatal and quite simply don’t go the way you'd planned.
Back to an overview of my current state of writing and I can see I still have more than one or two things on the go. In many ways I trace this current burst of activity back to - 1) the lockdown and the obvious fact everyone has a lot more time on their hands whilst scratchin' around lookin' for things to do and 2) the possible blessings of my grandfather from the great beyond for tidying up his Wartime Log and making a digital version which - for an oh so brief while - at least brought it to peoples' attention and also, even if I say so myself, opened it out so as to show its true potential by way of its contents. Well, that is my take on it and I have to say it brought me closer to him in a most unexpected way, allowed me a glimpse of the man he might have been as opposed to the one as portrayed in official family accounts, which have always come from my father and uncle, mainly my father, who has only ever really seen him as a ship's captain, a master mariner forever on the bridge with a pair of binoculars. Well, whatever it was, it definitely opened a door for me and since then - since that engagement with his world, his experience as a POW in Germany through the lens of his Wartime Log - I have found that with regard to the other things I write, I have been able to embrace them more fully, commit to them in a deeper way compared to what I had before. So then, blessings from the Great Beyond, from out of the depths of the most profound universal mystery, who knows? But what I do know is that I am grateful for it and since those days I spent working on Charles Bradley's Wartime Log the list of works definitively completed from out of my archive goes something like this -
Integrity: Bob Dylan As Performer In The Life of An Ordinary Fan
Ashram Files: Trips to Tiruvannamalai 2012 - 2020
Australia Trip 2010
Australia Trip 2010: Illustrated
- plus quite a few other bits and pieces as well, like those first two Snapshot Log tidy ups. And what I am working on now - and enjoyin' - are the notes for my India Trip 2020. Great stuff!
13/1/21
Grey day today, decidedly grey day. Supposed to be doing meditation but the fact of the matter is I haven't been able to concentrate very much due to the fact a tow truck will be arriving this morning - anytime between 8 and 12 - in order to pick up my Prius and take it down to Basildon to be repaired, in other words for it to be fitted with a new catalytic convertor. So, haven't quite been on the button, with half a mind keepin' an ear out for that knock on the door before I walk outside and watch them load it up. Once the Prius is collected I will be able to head off across to Ilford and pick up my courtesy replacement car from Enterprise, something which I have to admit I'm quite looking forward to. All as organised by Churchill, my car insurance company. Just can't quite focus then, on the object of meditation, whatever that is, so rather than struggle I've called it quits and I am writing this instead.
So, like I said at the beginning of this entry, it is very grey and wet today, cold as well, a January stinker in other words, and if we throw in the Coronavirus situation which is still raging across the country, we really have got the ultimate feel good party on our hands haven't we? As far as that is concerned - COVID - we are now in the worst phase of this, the Second Wave, and we will soon be probably seeing figures of over 1,000 deaths per day for the next few weeks, up till the end of this month. Goes with the territory I'm afraid, the state we're in. In some ways it all feels far removed from those times when I was writing entries for my Lockdown Log, but in other ways it is exactly the same, or rather I should state the same defining factor is still present, namely Death the Grim Reaper, only more so.
Otherwise I suppose things have moved on, back then the focus of a lot of what I wrote at the beginning of it was China, the fact that the virus originated there, but now all news on China has been quiet for months because it is pretty much free of it, whilst virtually everywhere else in the West is still reeling from the consequences of this virus being set loose on us. Will the truth ever come out? Will we ever know what the truth actually is? Well, we shouldn't hold our breath, put it like that. What we do know, or what we should know, is that China will do everything in its power to portray a picture where the virus never came from there in the first place, that it came from somewhere else, and that they are as big a victim as anyone. Yes make no mistake, we can bet our bottom dollars on that, so we should be prepared for a relentless, merciless propaganda drive from them in the years to come. It is the only country on Earth which has the means at its disposal to change the reality of such a situation, to make it a crime for people to ever dare to utter the words of truth about what actually went on, and we should be under no illusions that they will do everything to ensure they control the narrative, and that if anyone opposes them they will be crushed by the big fist of the Red Han. Oh man!
OK, that's better, got that little rant an' rage off my chest, racist one probably as well, that little phase in this log of "Well, just what the fuck is this guy goin' on about?", so now I can move on. Or move back maybe, back to the writing in other words, and in that respect I am still working my way through the India 2020 notes and I’m happy to report that I am enjoying it, the process, very much indeed, valuing the simple fact I have a record of my time spent beneath the sun in the land of the Om Vibration, that I can step back into those memories and make the best of what I can of them. There are in fact a few things to be getting on with regard to them but one part - Athithi Ashram - was dun an' dusted a couple of months ago, is in the can so to speak, comprising as it does the final part of the Ashram Files. Other aspects are those parts of my notes which are going to make up something called Bylakuppe: A Descriptive Account of a Tibetan Settlement in South India, along with the usual rollin' show of the little trips I made out there this time around. Those trips being the ride over to Hunsur to see the lama dances, a day trip to Mysore to buy furniture for the house, a couple of drives into the hills of Coorg and last but not least the four day excursion over to the Tibetan settlement of Kollegal which included an overnight stay in the city of Coimbatore in Tamil Nadu and a visit to Isha Yoga Centre, ashram of the popular Indian spiritual master Sadhguru. So that is the party, that is the show, where bits an' pieces of my whole experience are gettin' thrown into the mix, and I would be a fool if I didn't admit that I'm lovin' it, even if it turns out to be shit.
14/2/21
Waking up in the night at the moment with an achin' tooth, don't think it is toothache actually, but soreness from the gums they are sittin' on, some slight swelling possibly, a mild infection. Means I can really only lie on my right side, means I have to keep in mind all those who at this time are suffering so much worse than me and of course in COVID UK there is not far to look, the fear is all around us, and for some unlucky souls that fear is real enough for it to come along and take their lives. Think these pain wakes are affecting the quality of my dreams as well, throwing in a greater contrast between light and shade, leading to encounters with people I once knew well but haven't seen for many years, blasts from the past in other words.
So yesterday was an out and about day, rare for me in these lockdown times of course, and the reason was that I had to make my way over to Ilford in order to pick up the courtesy car, provided me by Churchill, so as to give me wheels whilst they sort out the Prius after some low down scum bags came along and nicked its catalytic convertor. Shitheads! Oh man, if only I'd stumbled upon them with baseball bat in hand. Love to see that brain baby, love to see that brain, right there in the middle of the fuckin’ road!
Trekkin' over to Ilford for me to get to Enterprise comprised a tube ride to Stratford from Woodford on the Central Line, a stop off in Stratford to attend to a little bit of business which included buying a birthday card for my sister and also buying for myself a copy of The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy from WH Smith, a shop which is deemed essential enough to remain open. Once these little bits and pieces were done it was an overground train ride from Stratford to Ilford taking in the delights of the stations of Maryland, Forest Gate and Manor Park along the way. Arriving at Ilford I saw there was a bit of construction going on, quite a hell of a lot if truth be told and all to do with Crossrail, which meant we had to exit through a different part of the station due to the fact the front entrance was currently smashed to smithereens.
It was a bit of a grey day yesterday with persistent drizzle, same again today, only now the drizzle is rain and there is quite a bit of wind about as well. So back to the story then, and once I'd made the walk down Ilford Hill to Enterprise I handed over my docs - license, insurance cert - through an open window in order for them to be processed as there was no way in these COVID times that I was going to be allowed inside the building. Pushed it all through and waited outside as a man with a mask on inside the Enterprise office, Asian lad actually, tapped away on a computer to confirm that I was who I said I was before returning a few minutes later to hand back my docs and step outside to show me the car, a 2020 reg silver blue Ford Fiesta, and which I've gotta say I had no complaints about, no, none at all. It was manual as opposed to automatic, which was a change for me after 10 years of driving the Prius, a bit of a shock almost. Nevertheless, after we both gave it the collective once over to check there weren't any nasty bumps and scratches, the lad handed over the keys and I was free to drive it away from the forecourt. Soon I was going back up Ilford Hill, only this time I was behind the wheel of a nifty little motor which I soon realised would be more than possible to have a bit of fun with. So that was it basically, the latest installation of my Catalytic Convertor of My Prius Being Fuckin’ Nicked By Scumbags Experience, only this time it was a good one.
Forgot to mention that in the morning the wagon from DLG Motors showed up around 11 to take my Prius down to Basildon in order to sort out the sourcing and fixing of a new convertor. Chatty guy with the pick-up truck who told me that - well, would you believe it, knock me down with a feather - catalytic convertors from Toyotas which were over 5 years old were some of the most prized on the market as far as the robber boys were concerned, those baddies who seek to ruin your day and prey upon all your insecurities so that you wake up sweatin' in the middle of the night, even more so if you happen to have a bad tooth. Don't know why, something to do with the metals, component parts, mixing of the metals, all of which are probably melted down in some kinda subterranean stew hole in the deepest depths of South East London down darkest Dartford way minus The Rolling Stones and in the shadow of the mighty bridge.
Yes, the materials on 5 + years Toyo catalytic convertors are quite simply the business as far as dirty stinkin' villains are concerned. They can't get enough of them so rove around in gangs seeking them out and pulling peoples' cars to pieces. In that regard they must have been rubbing their hands with glee when they came across my 10 year old Prius sittin' on my drive on a dark misty evening in the middle of the COVID epidemic's Second Wave when everyone is hunkered down indoors and trying their best to hide away from the big bad world. Or in our case, simply sitting over on the other side of the house and playing a game of dominoes. Whatever, mine just must have ticked all the right boxes. Must have only took them a couple of minutes to un-slip it from the its brackets and drive away back up Frating Crescent at least 300 quid richer if not more than what they were before.
And guess what? It took me a full three days to find out what had happened, due to the fact that in these times I am just not using the car so often. That is another thing to take note of, that life will always get you in the end, catch you out and throw you a curve ball you simply had no way of knowing was coming to smack you straight between the eyes and make you cry. Impossible to avoid such situations, unless that is you have the money to make sure your life and possessions are as secure and watertight as possible. Another one to scratch up then to the great Book of Lessons From Life and try if at all possible to come out the other side smilin'. Try being the operative word.
15/1/21
Think this - whether it is Snapshot Log III or Lockdown Log II - will be a "hot write" in the sense that I will type it up onto the ole Toshiba as soon as I've finished writing it up in this book, and as far as that's concerned I think all is on track for things to run until the end of this month before I put a stop to it. Today is better weather after two January days of heavy duty grey an' drizzle with little in the way of light, the oppressiveness compounded by the activities of the Grim Reaper as he slashes his way through those poor souls who have fallen victim to COVID 19. It must be scary as hell to find yourself in a hospital ICU, unable to breathe and slippin' further down the slope, all of it happening so quickly as well. Yet at the same time there are plenty of us who are still solely concerned with the pursuit of our own pleasure, or worse, taking advantage of others during these difficult times; now where the fuck is my catalytic convertor? A wholesale moral alignment in UK society is what is needed but we're a million miles away from that if truth be told, simply ain't gonna happen, so who knows how things are going to pan out for us in the future if we carry on like this? No need to go there, as I ain't got much to say of any worth when it comes to the big picture, so I'll keep things simple and just stick to writing about the things I do and leave it at that.
And on that subject since the weather has improved, Dawa Dolkar and I will take a walk later today to our new found toy - Knighton Woods - a lesser known part of Epping Forest which has the great advantage of being closer to home and far less full of people than the main parts of the forest which at times over these last few months have been pretty damn packed. Yeah, we'll do the woods walk, take some tea and a sandwich, enjoy the company of the trees, at the tops of which many birds do sing. Might even drive there in our courtesy car, a zippy little Ford Fiesta, since there is a small car park close to the entrance to the woods and even if that is full it is OK to park on the street next to it. Do the walk, then get back to do some more writing, using up my last bits of stock as far as my Indian stuff goes, glug it down, all those sunshine memories. I guess that is one of the reasons why this log will probably be a "hot write", so that I will keep on having material to play with, stuff to keep me goin' as far as this old tapping lark is concerned. At some point during these weeks I think I need to cast my mind back to those three Hyde Park walks I did in the final months of 2020, give them a little write up, spanning as they did a west - east trajectory through Central London all the way to Liverpool Street Station with a couple of visits to AZO Print on Kingsway, Holborn thrown into the mix as well.
Late evening now and all those previous words for this daily entry were written hours before, in the morning to be exact. So we did the walk to Knighton Woods, wasn't sure when I got there whether I would enjoy it or not, but it turned out that I did and I guess a part of me is somewhat surprised, even astonished that I didn't really know about the woods before the start of this year. The day was cold, in fact I am beginning to wonder if I'm now feeling the cold more as I get older, as when I was sitting on a log around 1.30 I was most definitely not warm. Lying in bed last night the quilt which I had pulled over me felt thin, despite being a winter one, although saying that, when I did eventually fall off to sleep I later woke up hot because I had my t-shirt on. So who knows? Might just be the case I live in a world of constant contradiction and that I need to accept that fact. Back from Knighton Woods it was a case of a twilight afternoon cup of tea before coming down here - ground floor - so as to carry on with my writing. But I don't know, maybe I'm getting tired, maybe I'm just not tuning into my own state of being on a deeper level, that sometimes it might be better just to give myself a break from it all, and thus ensure things don't get too rusty.
16/1/21
Think the thing about writing in the evening time is that the narrative is darker, more doubtful, a bit edgy, less positive, and so for editorial reasons I think I'll keep entries on the sunny side of the street by doing them in the mornings if at all possible.
Think I mentioned that one of the reasons for writing this might be to give myself new material to play with because I am running out of things to type. Well, not sure if that is the best motivation, after all, things should only be written if there is something to say. In that sense I guess one of the things that I can say, or write about, coming up to nearly a year of lockdowns on and off, are those things which I used to do but are now no longer there. Here I'm referring to those activities of mine which mainly involved some form of interaction with other people, even if it was only sitting in a quiet reading room of the local library and writing up some notes into an exercise book spread in front of me. In that regard these are the main things which I was doing before Covid 19 came along but which under the current circumstances are no longer possible - writing courses at City Lit in Covent Garden; swimming in the Aquatics Centre in Stratford Olympic Park; writing in my local library, namely the one in South Woodford; then finally last but certainly by no means least, there is the fact that at present we are unable to travel, unable to fly to India, something which we have done January/ February time for years and years in order to be in Bylakuppe for Losar, the Tibetan New Year. But not this year, no way, just ain't gonna happen.
All those things above, outer activities, are currently off the agenda. Guess the only outside "doing" which has continued throughout all this time of virus is walking. And for that there have been plenty of walks in Epping Forest, too many to count, similarly loads of trots down to South Woodford with a little back pack slung over my shoulder so as to pick up some bits and pieces from the shops there, and there have also been occasional walks, longer ones, in Central London, the heart of the city. Most of these have followed that west - east trajectory already mentioned, starting in Hyde Park and eventually ending up at Liverpool Street Station. There have only been a couple of city centre walks which have seen me get down to the river, the most common one being an almost straight line wander going through the centre of town and which has gone something like this -
Queensway / Kensington Park Gardens / The Round Pond / Hyde Park / The Serpentine / Hyde Park Corner / Green Park / Piccadilly / Piccadilly Circus / Leicester Square / Charing X Road / Cambridge Circus / Covent Garden / Kingsway / Lincolns Inn Fields / Holborn / Chancery Lane / Holborn Viaduct / Old Bailey / St. Paul's / Cheapside / Guildhall / Basinghall Street / Masons Avenue / Telegraph Street / Moorgate / Great Bell Alley / Austin Friars / Great Winchester Street / Old Broad Street / London Wall / Liverpool Street Station
17/1/21
Gettin' out at Queensway it is a hop, skip and a jump across the road to Hyde Park, well not Hyde Park to be exact, but Kensington Park Gardens. First time I did this walk was in late September and stepping into that large green space opposite the station I found things pretty empty, lingering echoes of lockdown still very much in evidence, although at the time it was lockdown no more. Reason for me wanting to do the walk was that it had dawned on me over that strange summer of 2020 that I hadn't seen The Round Pond in Kensington Park Gardens for years, maybe 10, and that it would be good to do so as I'd always liked the space there, big sky country in the centre of the city, with the horizon to the south suddenly openin' up in a way which on a good day can make yer heart flutter. From The Round Pond it would then be a more than easy walk due east out of the gardens and into Hyde Park proper, in the middle of which lay that streak of deep known to all as The Serpentine.
So on this first occasion - late Sept 2020, last Thursday of the month and just around noontime - both Kensington Park Gardens and The Round Pond were relatively empty, thousands of birds an' ducks of course, that just went with the territory, even though they took me a bit by surprise, but not much in the way of people. This might have also had something to do with the fact it was a wet, windy and dark early autumn day, where distinct hints of the new season coming on meant that summer was most definitely over. It felt great to be there again, even better that there were so few people, like I was in a green wilderness right in the centre of the capital. By the time I got down to The Serpentine it was raining on and off, but since I was wearing my light green waterproof jacket I could carry on and not worry too much about it. Stopped at the tea bar by the lido and bought a cup of tea to have with the mushroom pate and cucumber sandwich I'd made earlier on in Woodford to bring along with me for my lunch. Staring at over The Serpentine, with whispered COVID conversations going on around me amongst the few people who were there, it was hard not to be impressed by the stillness of that body of water, birds and ducks floating on it for sure, but no boats, no swimmers, just a flat, almost lazy reflection of the grey skies above.
The tea and sandwich were good as I sat there on a step in front of the building, but the day and the circumstances were such that I had no desire to hang around, no wish to hear someone coughing and causing others to panic. Instead it was best to keep on movin', working my way through towards the east side of the park then heading on down to Hyde Park Corner. Suffice to say I will never be able to properly describe the wonder and the emptiness of walking through Central London in the middle of the day in the middle of the week with hardly a soul around, especially when - of all places - I reached Piccadilly Circus, where it felt like I was standin' on the deck of a sinkin' ship, ghosts of the centuries buzzin' round by ears, leaving me wondering just where in the world had everyone gone?
Fast forward away from that grey, wet and windy day of late September with the howlings of autumn soon coming on, and back into the present of today, a Sunday pretty much slap bang in the middle of January which saw us take a little drive in our Enterprise car courtesy of Churchill Insurance, a zippy little 2020 reg Ford Fiesta, and which I have had now for the last 5 days. A drive over the hill, or not really a hill, more like simply up the road and into Epping Forest, where me and Dawa Dolkar then took another walk amongst the trees.
As has been the case for so many weekends over the last few months all the car parks in the Forest were packed and the main paths on which people walked pretty damn - cough, cough, splutter, splutter - crowded. People! You know I just can't stand the sight of them of them during these times, I mean, why can't they all just fuck off and give me some space? An’ yeah, they’re welcome to think the same thing about me. In Epping Forest it is also the case they are almost all younger than us, overwhelmingly so in some cases, and not a single one of them wearing a face mask, which meant we kept to the lesser used paths through the middle of the woods. Luckily I know the Forest well enough for us to able to stay in the quiet parts, the somewhat hauntingly beautiful parts where the sight of a faint winter sun shining through the trees can almost knock you over by way of its transcendental radiance, low as it is in the sky due to the time of day and season. Yeah, keep on the quiet tracks away from the main drags full of noisy heedless horrendous people, that's the name of the game for me and Dawa Dolkar, where by and large, kiss the cross an’ get down on my knees, it has served us pretty well.
Why is it people always seem to shout in forests? Maybe due to some primeval fears they hold which are just unrecognised? Or maybe because they are just plain dumb? Guess I don't really know the answer, but what I do know is that the further we are able to get away from the noise of humans, the better it is. Good enough for us to sit on a log at some point and even do some meditation. Always a transformation when we get to do that, to get in touch with the sacred, in touch with the sky tracks and everlasting blue of the heavens if they can possibly be seen. But more importantly it blocks out the insanity of those others shouting and shrieking who are utterly blind to the potential beauty of the ancient silence which they find themselves in. Meditations in the woods are always short sessions - 5 or 10 mins max - but no matter, they are well worth doing and add immeasurably to the experience of being out there amongst the trees. They don't ask much from you, have seen it all before, in some cases over many hundreds of years, have said hello and goodbye to countless idiots who have shouted amongst them, scratched their initials into them, but who have now long since turned to dust. So yes, despite the grind of there being so many other stupid fuckers in the woods today, it was still great to be there; thanks to the trees, streams, prophecy pools, ghosts and shadows of the deep interior, where a flicker in the far distance might even possibly have been a skippin’ deer.
18/1/21
And so the tick keeps tockin'. Lighter days now, can already feel them, we're comin' out of the dark season, afternoons stretchin' out way past 4 pm, which was not how it was a month ago in the depths of December, that's for sure. More notes then, from one of my Central London walks, not the September one, maybe the last one which was in the middle of December.
The Wellington Arch on Hyde Park Corner is incredibly huge, to walk through it makes you feel oh so small and it is no wonder that you feel dwarfed. Just like you are supposed to I suspect. Hyde Park Corner was OK. Traffic yes, but not that full on Central London intensity you usually get there, no way, all no doubt a consequence of lockdown livin'. So many roads converge on that location, biggies as far as the map of Central London is concerned - Piccadilly, Pall Mall, Knightsbridge, Bush Gate - to name just a few of them. It was grey it was cold it was solitary, but with just a little bit of waiting at the crossings it wasn't long before I was into Green Park and making my way in the direction of the station. No point in me in going down Palace way. I ain't a Royal, hang 'em and shoot 'em is my game for the vast majority of those buggers, and anyway the wide open spaces in front of Buck gates are designed to be deliberately intimidating for the common man, which is what I am, or at least consider myself to be.
Past Green Park and down a quiet Piccadilly I was soon at the Circus where I dived down into the tube station in order to take a piss. That tea I’d drunk beside a chilly Serpentine had quickly caught up with me. Empty station in which to empty my bladder, and who would have thought it, with hardly a soul about. Piccadilly on a Thursday in the early afternoon and I was virtually the only one there, all the rest of the place seemingly strewn with ghosts. Not only were the toilets open but the barriers were up as well, which meant there was no 50p charge to pay. Up the revolution then, things must surely be disintegrating right before our eyes if it gets to the point where the bogs in Central London are free. Westminster as well.
Took a walk up Shaftesbury Avenue to Fopp on the edge of Cambridge Circus and beyond that I walked through the empty streets of Covent Garden in order to get to AZO Print on Kingsway where I had a little bit of printing to pick up. Bits and pieces of hard copy from all this shit I write on the Toshiba and which I then store in document boxes in the roof of our house for no one else to see. Since it has been very busy this last year on the printing front, due to all the stuff I've come up with, it has meant more than a couple of pennies being spent at AZO in order to get everything in black and white. Concrete proof I've done something you see, that I ain't just a time wasting bum after all, a bum who deserves to have his head caved in and thrown into the waters of the deep, dark Thames. Come to think of it, this season on these three city centre walks in a west - east direction, I have dropped in on AZO each and every time, usually after emailing them the day before with the PDF’s of stuff I’ve done and instructions on how I want them to be printed.
19/1/21
Sleep at the moment is so-so. Gettin' off to sleep is not the problem, it is the waking up at 4 am which throws a spanner in the works. Pretty much par for the course each and every night. And that means being back in the Wide Awake Club for at least a coupla hours before an hour or so of light sleep until I finally haul myself out of the sack approx 7.15 - 7.30. Just the territory we're in, have read from time to time it has been a common thing with many people since COVID rolled into town. Sleeplessness. Thoughts have a different quality to them in the dark, more threatening, worrisome. Quite literally more difficult to stay on the brighter side of the road. Sure I try to do a little bit of meditation whilst I'm lying there in bed - breath awareness, body scanning, stuff like that, oh and a bit of chakra visualizing too - but I have found these activities tend to wake me up even more, not necessarily relax me each an’ every time. Which means it is a case of once again being on Toss Turn Avenue with a little visit to the Worry Shops thrown in just for good measure. Think in the past these phases moved onto something else, but this time around I have been stuck in the same cycle for at least a couple of months, probably more, with there being only the occasional night when I have slept right through.
This state of affairs has been compounded over the last week or so by a bit of toothache which has come along as well, something which I might have mentioned already. Difficult to welcome in toothache under any circumstances, especially in the dead of night when from out of the woodwork all manner of things come crawlin'. So I have been taking some Tibetan medicine to try to counteract it which has brought some relief from the pain but hasn't stopped me from waking up at around that time and those 4 am blues, or mild blues, keep on kickin' in, but at least things are a little less intense teeth wise when I lay my head back on the pillow, eyes starin' out into the dark. All the time tryin' to suppress those lurking feelings of what a complete and utter failure my life has been.
Ha! What to do about that? Nearly 59 now which means next year 60, so it's a little late in ze fookin' day to try to change tack. Not that I would know where to turn anyway, and that in a nutshell, has always been the problem. Not knowing, a lack of clear direction, a case of stumblin' along, it seemingly taking up all my energy just to stay on the straight and narrow. But it is not too bad, really it is only during that particular time those thoughts have the power to bite, and even then it's more like a nibble. But even so in the warm light of day it is a lot easier to roll with the punches an' keep on that bright side of the road, rather than when I’m in the depths of the deep dark night in the very early morning.
The other thing about these early wake ups is that I don't feel tired in the day, which is good. And the big question with regard to that is whether it is a positive effect of all the meditation I have done over the years, or simply the case that I'm not working in the sense of goin' out the door each day with a job to go to. As usual with these things the answer is probably neither black or white but a bit of both, in other words grey. All the same it is more or less the case that these night time interruptions to my sleep pattern do not really adversely affect my performance in any way when it comes to going about my daily business. Not that the standards I set myself are particularly high!
hang around time
is hang around time,
but is it a crime
against creation?
Now, this below was the latest tract written on a signboard placed in the front garden of a house in a street close to where we live in Woodford -
THE MEDIA "PROJECT FEAR" PROGRAM
WHERE A TREE IS POISONED, ALL THE FRUIT EMANATING FROM THAT TREE IS POISONOUS. EVERY THING YOU HAVE BEEN TOLD BY THE MEDIA IS A PALPABLE DISTORTION OF FACTS WITHOUT A SCINTILLA OF SUBSTANTIVE EVIDENCE. IF YOU CARE TO PERUSE THE STATISTICS FROM OFFICIAL GOV. WEBSITES YOU WILL DETERMINE THEY ARE DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSED TO THE MEDIA LIES AND PROPAGANDA.
THERE IS HOWEVER VOLUMINOUS INCONTROVERTIBLE EVIDENCE THAT YOU BEING PROGRAMMED FOR A TOTALITARIAN MARXIST REGIME. THE CURRENT SITUATION BEARS ALL THE CLASSIC HALLMARKS OF HOW SUCH EVIL STATES ARE FORMULATED.
AN ANTI CONSPIRACY THEORIST
20/1/21
Meditation hard going today, just could not settle so bailed after 108 and have been reading Day by Day With Bhagavan instead. Such a great book! A few years ago I made some notes from it which I had put into PDF form and re-reading it now gives me the opportunity to see if there are any more to add. And already after only just starting, I can see that there are. Really, such an amazing book is Day by Day, and if push came to shove, I would say it is possibly my favourite from out of all the books in my Bhagavan collection, re-reading it always yields more treasures, so much more to learn from the world of Bhagavan, of that there is no doubt. Think the meditation this morning was one in which I was assailed by negative thoughts, all of which were directed towards myself, a lack of self worth is what I think you can say is behind them, or rather what has generated them. It can be a whirlpool which sucks you in when that way of thinking arises, the scope for self-attack being endless and it is not often I have to call it quits from the sitting in order to get some relief from them, but this morning just so happened to be one of those occasions. No matter, I will try again, possibly after writing this, either that or go back to reading some more of Day by Day which, come to think of it, is probably what I'll do.
Now, this section is later in the day to what was written above. It has turned out to be a bit of a strange year car wise for me so far, because this morning I received a Penalty Charge Notice (PCN) from Transport for London (TFL), which is going to set me back 80 smackers. Seems to be the case that the London Congestion Charge was in operation on New Year's Day, despite the fact it was a bank holiday, which was the day we took a drive into the City so as to have a walk by the river. Thought it would be good for us to get down by Mother Thames, deity of the ancients, just to see her and pay our respects. Simply had no idea that we had done something wrong and with the delayed post - notice issued 7/1/21 - it had only just reached me. Another kick in the guts! Another walk for me to take down Shit Can Alley!
There can be no disputing we were there, just such a sucker punch that the charge was in operation, because for bank holidays all such stuff is usually put on hold. Not this time though, a COVID times sickener was what was there instead. Thing which really confused me was that according to the PCN we were clocked on Borough Road which is south of the river and we most certainly didn't go across any bridges that day, but no matter. Paranoia and confusion all part of the deal then as far as this January goes when it comes to cars, arriving as it does after the theft of my catalytic convertor from underneath the Prius. Think it might be time to change my motor, jus' dunno, have to see which way the wind blows I guess. Anyway, sure hope it ain't the case that some punk has somehow copied my plates and is using them to get up to all kinds of nonsense. Don't think so, but just ain't sure. Why? Well, because I can easily get nervy, jumpy as fuck, mind on a one way ticket to thinkin' the world is out to get me and after how things have gone in 2021 so far, who can blame me?
21/1/21
Here are some of the things which I need to find - courage, strength, resilience, positivity, hope, acceptance, gratitude, love. Hmmmmmm.....seems like a pretty tall order to me but I guess I'll keep on trying to bring 'em more into my life. 2021 so far has seen the catalytic convertor from my Prius nicked, a dull toothache to say hello to me each morning at around 4 am in the midst of prolonged bouts of bad sleep, and an 80 quid PCN for having the nerve to drive into the city on New Year's Day which was a bank holiday anyway and supposed to be exempt. I mean c'mon, what kinda fuckin' shit kick is all that about? Do we really need to have the congestion charge in operation on New Year's Day? Might as well save my energy on questioning it any further however, because it ain't gonna change a goddamn thing. No, just keep my head down and cough up the bucks to those sick fucks behind the cameras.
So today saw me drive the hire car back to Enterprise in Ilford, that nifty little Ford Fiesta which we had for exactly one week and which really was a bit of fun zipping around in as we went from here to there. Dropped it off no questions asked once they'd given it a quick check over, in fact they didn't even bother to charge me for the gas we'd used which, whilst in the great scheme of things was probably not very much, was nevertheless still something. What did we do travel-wise in a lock down week in London late January 2021 in that Ford Fiesta? A couple of trips to Lidl in Loughton; a couple of drives up into Epping Forest; a couple of spins around Woodford, South Woodford & Buckhurst Hill; and one or two rides up to a little car park on the edge of Knighton Woods. In other words, in the great rollin' round of the stars and planets, it probably didn't add up to very much at all, so that was probably why the Enterprise gal who sorted out my return of the Fiesta didn't feel the need to pull the trigger on the old fuel consumption stakes.
Of course the reason for taking back the Fiesta was because we've got the Prius back, now with a newly fitted catalytic convertor plus what is known as a Catloc, hopefully to prevent those low down an’ dirty scum bags who nicked the first one from coming back one dark misty night an' trying their luck again, coming back for another taste of the action. Guess we'll just have to see how it goes on that one! The whole damn deal has cost me 559 bucks. 350 quids excess on my insurance policy with Churchill, and then another 209 quids for the purchase and fitting by DLG Motors down in Basildon of the Catloc, VAT inclusive. So there we go, add on another 80 quids from the PCN for that New Year's Day treat down to the river, and that is 639 quids spent on my 10 yr old Prius within the opening weeks of 2021. Bring it on baby, bring it on, I'm lovin' it!
Returning from the drop at Enterprise in Ilford saw me get the train down to Stratford and then - just for the fuckin' hell of it - take a little walk round Westfield where I popped into WH Smith and bought a copy of a book called Keep On Keeping On by Alan Bennett. Bit of a spontaneous purchase but it looked good and anyway, I needed some alternative to Hardy's Far From the Madding Crowd, which I am slowly ploughin' my way through but which at times feels more than a little bit boring. Reading it mostly when I'm on the can or running the water for our bath. Took a walk along the length of the ground floor of Westfield and at the far end of it bought 3 x vegetable samosas from a place called The Indians Next Door which was located just in front of Waitrose. They turned out to be pretty tasty samosas, with a subtle balance of spices, which was just as well because they cost 5 quid which is a pretty tasty price in itself.
Me and Dawa Dolkar ate the samosas when we went for an afternoon walk in Epping Forest, during which I was wearing my new pair of wellies for the very first time. Not just any old wellies but a 100 quid pair of Hunters, Hunter Tall Boys to be exact, which meant I could splash my way through as much mud and water as I liked without any fear of the consequences. And I have to say it was brilliant, a liberation after months of having to pick my way through the squelch in my trusty 20 year old pair of Merrell walking boots which unfortunately have now most definitely come to the end of the road and are going to have to be taken down to the dump. Those Merrell boots have served me supremely well and there will probably be more than a little tear in my eye when I take them to the refuse and recycling unit on Chigwell Road in a few days time, maybe even tomorrow, and chuck them in the can. If it was a just and gentle world they would be put in a glass case and venerated, but of course the times we live in are too fast, too damn brutal for any sentimentality such as that.
22/1/21
These last few days have seen me only doin' 108 meditations on the breath count instead of my usual 216. About half in other words. Just not finding the zone and besides I am using the rest of the time when I would usually have been sitting for once more reading through Day by Day with Bhagavan and picking out various passages to copy from it so as to eventually put them in my Quotes compilation from the book. The point is that it is a form of practice and it just feels like it is the easiest path for me to take at this particular time when my energy for meditation is running low. It has been a couple of months since I have been reading any Bhagavan on a consistent basis, so as a way to get back into it all Day by Day is a blessing, which suits me just fine, and it is more than an adequate replacement for the meditation I would have normally been doing which - like I said - I just can't seem to focus on in quite the same way at the moment. Don't know why. Maybe there is some underlying cause which I just haven't tapped into yet, some obstacle lying at the door of Shanti Bhavan, well whatever it is I just have to trust in the process and that - just like all things - it will eventually pass, change, move on, and soon the circumstances will be different, and hopefully conducive once again to longer periods of meditation sitting.
Last couple of days my toothache has come back in spades, which has meant a couple of wake ups in the middle of the night due to the discomfort the throbbing causes. I have been taking Tibetan medicine in the hope that it will prove effective, but if not, I guess I'm gonna have to make that dreaded call to the dentist, “Yes, it’s really quite painful.” I'll give it to the weekend, see how it is after that, in other words push it out of the way for a little bit longer, something I'm quite an expert at if truth be told, but of course in this instance the decision might be made for me if the pain gets too great and begins to drive me c-r–r-r-razy!!!
As for my laptop work, at the moment mainly it is a case of finishing off the first draft of my India 2020 notes, a good 10 months down the line after the events happened, but that is OK, it is all a question of being able to sit down and do them properly. Well of course for the last couple of weeks I have been doing just that, and as far as it goes, quite a few parts will need to be worked on some more so as to knock them fully into shape. That will mean listening to a little bit less music for starters, as it is certainly the case that in the background when I am tapping away, something is always on. Lately it has been quite a bit of Mike Oldfield and before that it was early 70’s Fleetwood Mac and Pink Floyd's Delicate Sound of Thunder a post Roger Waters live album which has recently been released in an expanded and re-mastered edition, and pretty damn good it sounds too. Always has to be something on the system it seems, guess I'm addicted, but when it comes to the re-write, or rather the second going over of my India 2020 stuff, it is going to have to be done against a backdrop of silence if I want to stand any chance of coming up with anything decent. Well, guess we'll just have to see about that!
23/1/21
Been battling toothache the last couple of days. Nothing pulls you up quicker than pain, no doubt about that, especially when it comes to teeth, where visions of that dreaded trip to the dentist rear up on the horizon like harbingers of doom to come. Lying back in the chair and opening your mouth as wide as it can go. Fuck! The ache has seen me take some heavy duty Tibetan medicine to keep it under control and also modify my diet so that my intake of the sweet stuff is kept to a bare minimum. Natural sugars and chocolate with at least 70% cocoa are probably on the threshold of what is currently allowed, but as for sticking my hand in the biscuit tin an' pullin' out 3 or 4 digestives, well, forget it. In the morning I take 5 x little black pills called Ni-la and then at lunch 4 x pills by the name of Chakdor. Purpose of both of these medicines is to reduce the pain and inflammation by way of the fact they both contain aconite and are quite punchy as a consequence.
Felt pretty good this morning after a long sleep which was more or less untroubled, and in which any toothy pain was pretty much kept to a bare minimum. All of which is good news because I really want to get on top of this by way of natural healing if I possibly can, so in that regard I have to play my part by watching closely what goes into my mouth. The good times have gotta stop in other words, the party must slowly but surely be wound down, and really I can have no complaints. Just keep things sensible, then there won't be any more of a price to pay. Consequence of the Tibetan medicines is that being quite strong, they do knock me out a bit and that was probably why I had a long sleep last night, but it felt like I needed it, so no worries there.
Meditation in the mornings at the moment has been reduced to 108 on the breath count and then some reading of Day by Day with Bhagavan. As already mentioned, for the last few days it seems like I have hit a bit of a wall as far as the sittin' goes and therefore I have cut the amount of cushion time almost straight in half. Again, no worries. I'm more than happy reading Bhagavan for the remainder of that time, making notes for the quotes which will be for my own frame of reference. Reconnecting with the Master in a different way and the funny thing is it feels like it is a more than appropriate thing for me to do. So whilst that sense is there, that feeling or whatever you wish to call it, I will carry on in this manner. Read things through and make those notes as I go along. Simple as that.
On the wider level of writing there are my India 2020 notes where I am slowly but surely coming to the end of the first draft. After that it is down to the business of a second going over and knockin' them into decent shape. And so it goes on. My life as a writer, pumpin' out words hardly anyone is ever gonna see. Do I really want to go there now? No, not much point really, it is what it is. As for the question of meditation though - the general winding down or at least taking my foot off the pedal - I think the reason might just be a deep down tiredness, maybe the result of nearly one full year of Covid lockdown livin', on and off, and the fact that we are slowly but surely emerging from the dark season of winter where at times there is hardly any light in the sky at all, just a sense of everything being so overwhelmingly grey. So it could be that, trouble in the engine room so to speak, but it is only a guess, not even a private matter, more probably just a temporary circumstance which, like everything else, will soon change.
24/1/21
Woke up with an aching tooth but it seems to have subsided a little now. Think it is due to the pressure caused when lying on my right side, face on the pillow. But it has definitely calmed down and that is before me taking my daily dose of Tibetan medicine, only having had a mouthwash as prepared by Dawa Dolkar. So we shall just see how it goes. In and out of sleep in the night, mainly due to this, the background throbber. Hope I can lick it by way of stricter dietary observance and taking natural herbal Tibetan medicines. As for my diet, well the game is up on the good times in the form of sweets, cakes, chocolates, biscuits, ice creams etc. I mean I've had damn near 60 years of being able to throw pretty much anything into my mouth without there being any fear of the consequences tooth wise, but unfortunately that can no longer continue.
Sure, if I want to keep on eating the sweet stuff I can, but I have to be prepared to pay the price and the price is simple; tooth pain raging in the depths of the deep dark night and bringing me out in an eye poppin' sweaty panic. If I cut down on the sweeties though, then the pain is less likely to arise. So the choice is mine and in this instance I think that even I can see what the sensible thing to do is. Just going to have to give them a rest - all those nice little sugar hits I've got so used to over the rollin' years - take a step back and nibble on a cream cracker instead whenever I feel hungry. Just a little bit of sensible dietary adjustment should be all that is needed to get my tooth back under control, which in turn will mean not having to take that dreaded walk down to the chair at the bottom of the hill, stepping into a brightly lit room where all is shiny.
The daily walking has pretty much continued, with one or two blips here an' there, but consistently hittin' that target of 6,000 steps plus on a daily basis has been the name of the game for me. Last couple of walks have seen us go back up to Knighton Woods located between Woodford and Buckhurst Hill and which have turned out to be a real find for us. Owned and managed by the Corporation of London they are part of Epping Forest but they stand alone, and have a very different feel to them by way of consequence. Think this might have something to do with the fact they are on a hillside and in parts have open spaces of modest size, but which means you get a spread of sun and sky in the heavens above when walking in and out of the trees. The full name of this nice little area is The Lord’s Bushes & Knighton Wood and they are dissected by a wide track known as Monkhams Lane with a stream running through the middle of it. One of the open stretches of ground within its boundaries goes by the name of Jericho Plain, which for some strange reason feels rather appropriate -
where we’re breakin' down the walls of Jericho by way of finding a route into our own personal happiness in the quest for some peace on the plain
The main point is that it is all a bit different and coming along as it has - slap bang in the middle of our second major lockdown - Knighton Woods has turned out to be something of a saving grace. A great alternative to driving up to Epping Forest which at the weekends is pretty packed and on its main paths at least, doesn't feel safe at all, with hardly any of the fuckers bothering to wear masks. In Knighton Woods it is a lot emptier and also all very muddy, so very, very muddy, so very wet and natural, which means for casual walkers it is a no go zone unless they are kited out for purpose and that means a decent pair of boots at the very least. Thankfully for me I now have a pair of Hunters after having to wait a couple of months until they became available again online, sold out probably due to demand, which means I can now splash about in all the muddy squelch with free abandon. It has taken a few days to get used to them, due to the fact I've just been wearing walking boots for years and years, but now that I have, I can stride on through the wettest, slushiest parts sailin' free without a care in the whole wide world, and let's face it, if you can take such pleasure from these simple things then life ain’t too bad at all.
oh to sit on the stump
of a tree strewn simple
where to watch the sun
shine upon Jericho Plain
drains away all fears
over not having grasped
the name of the game
25/1/21
Not a bad night tooth wise where lying on my right side instead of the left is definitely the way to go at the moment. There is some swelling to the gums beneath, in the area where the pain is coming from, so we will see how things go, with the Tibetan medicines hopefully bringing down the inflammation. If they work then obviously it saves me a walk down to that dreaded chair with head hung low, then the only thing incumbent on me after that will be to stick to the dietary adjustments currently enforced, which in essence boil down to keeping my sugar intake to a bare minimum.
On a more general level the virus rumbles on and at times it seems like the countries of the West are fighting fires on numerous fronts with no guarantees they are going to overcome all of them. In contrast, the place of Corona origination - China - is going all guns blazin' once again as far as its economy is concerned, and as far as I can work out, it is the clear winner from all of this. It is now putting immense effort into re-writing the story of the epidemic by presenting a picture where the virus never originated there in the first place, but from someplace else. All lies and propaganda needless to say, but their force and power in the world is such that I wouldn't bet against them succeeding in this new narrative. They are also growing more confident and assertive in their own part of the world, and I wouldn't be surprised if the upshot of all this is they invade and take back Taiwan at some point during the course of this year. China might very well seize the opportunity whilst the new President of the US of A is settling into his job, make their move and go in for the kill. Test the resolve of the States at precisely the moment when a vast amount of its time and energy is still being taken up with tackling Corona.
The countries of the West simply have no clue, in my humble opinion, of what the future has in store for them, but as far as I can see the future is red, and woe betide anyone in the years to come who dares to say anything different. Too over the top? Yeah maybe, but I guess the plain truth is that it makes me heartily sick to see China getting away almost Scot free from any of the consequences of what they have brought upon us. No, far from it, because the fact of the matter is that the whole situation has made them much, much stronger. Universal justice? Maybe it's out there somewhere, but to understand how its wheels roll into motion is tremendously difficult, almost impossible actually, either to predict or see. And who am I anyway to be writin' all this? A man who is an expert on precisely nuthin', yes that's me, just another tin pot conspiracy theorist - China is out to destroy the world!!! - who is ranting away in his own little corner as his hair and nails get longer an' dirtier with each passing day.
Well, let's take a step back from the bigger picture - it has always done my head in tryin' to get to grips with it, mainly because I'm so emotionally unequipped - and get closer to home with the continuation of this log describing the things which I do on the daily level of my own individual existence, and in that regard meditation today was another straight down the middle 108. As already mentioned it seems that over the last week or so my sittin' time has gone down by about 50% and in the remainder of the time that I would have used meditating I have been re-reading Day by Day With Bhagavan and also writing notes in this journal. Don't know how long it will last, but it feels in tune with my own state of being, in other words I'm fine with doing less meditation at the moment because the energy which usually empowers it isn't there to the same degree, and since that is the case, the logical thing to do is to take my foot off the gas so as to conserve it.
26/1/21
Achin' tooth or gum in the middle of the night woke me up and led me to think I really have got to go down to the dentist and get this whole goddamn thing sorted. Began to - in my mind, lying there in the dark - to repeat as a form of meditation Ramana Maharshi’s name over and over, and funnily enough it seemed to effect a change which meant I fell asleep with the pain gone. When I woke up again an hour or two later there was still some throbbing but not as intense as before. Now as I write this, having been up for an hour and a half, there is not much pain at all. So who knows what is going on? Back to another day of close observation I guess, but of course the best case scenario would be if the swelling goes away and the whole thing returns to normal. Only thing I would have to do then is tread carefully and follow through on all those promises I've made to myself not to eat so many sweeties.
Meditation still hovering around the 108 daily mark at the moment, but like I have stated before, that is OK really, as I am enjoying using up the rest of my sit time reading through Day by Day with Bhagavan and making notes from it. Whatever it takes to bring one closer to the guru is what will do at the end of the day, simple as that. Writing work is still focusing on my India 2020 notes along with my descriptive account of Bylakuppe, both of which are coming along nicely. Thursday sees Dawa Dolkar go to the clinic in St. Johns Wood for a day of work there and I guess I might use it as an opportunity to go into town with her on the tube and do another one of my west- east Central London walks which will see me get off at Queensway and begin proceedings in Hyde Park.
Think that as far as the last time I looked at this route in the pages of these notes, I'd taken you up to Kingsway in Holborn where I dropped in on a place called AZO Print so as to get hard copies of some of my writin' stuff printed up, something which in a minuscule kind of way is always a pleasurable thing for me to do, even if it does involve me splashing a bit of cash. In that regard I think I will email them to see if under the current lockdown conditions they are open, as once again I have a bit of stuff for them to do. So anyway, after AZO I head a little further on down Kingsway before taking a left turn by a London School of Economics building so as to walk into the pleasingly wide expanse of Lincoln's Inn Fields where I usually head for the bogs in the corner to take a piss. Those bogs are bogs used primarily by taxi drivers so they are always open, and what is more they are also free in that there is no charge to pay or anything like that, no sting in the tail before getting into the stink house.
From that corner of Lincoln’s Inn Fields I use a cut-through by the name of Mary Ward to get onto High Holborn where it is then just a question of walking due east down past Chancery Lane over Holborn Viaduct and up the slight incline in the direction of the Old Bailey, then just beyond that on to St. Paul's. By this point in my walking during these lockdown times, things will have emptied out considerably, in fact from Piccadilly Circus onwards things would have begun to get quiet, because it is a fact that all the way through these series of lockdowns it is the City and the West End which have been by far and away the emptiest parts of town. It means that by the time I am walking down Cheapside things are getting decidedly ghostly and they get ghostlier still after I take another cut through down Milk Street so as to land on Gresham Street by the Guildhall before taking a left onto Basinghall Street. Then I take a turn down Masons Lane which cuts right through the heart of the City by way of continuing along a line formed of Telegraph Street and Great Bell Alley before ending up in Austin Friars where I take the passage which brings me out on Great Winchester Street. From there I walk onto Old Broad Street and then continue over London Wall to Liverpool Street Station. All of which in those last parts are more or less free of people, when in normal times they most certainly wouldn't be. No wonder then as I take those stairs down to the tube at Liverpool St Station I feel that I am now living through a unique phase in London's history.
27/1/21
Teeth or gums seem a lot better this morning, with luck I might have turned a corner and won't need to make that oft mentioned dreaded walk down to the chair. So yesterday was a finishing off of my west-east Central London walk and like I said, wrote, mentioned, if all looks good tomorrow I will follow the same route again, even if, technically speaking, it is breaking lockdown rules by way of being a little too far from home. Wonder what my excuse could be if I'm stopped and asked any questions? Well, just a couple of days ago Top Con Boris was spotted cycling in Stratford! Meditation this morning felt stronger, more focused and that might possibly have been related to improvements in the mouth department, and that all along my recent short sittings were merely to do with the fact that some of my precious energy was being taken up by way of trying to fight the infection.
Think I might have mentioned in Snapshot II my loathing for our neighbours - No. 18 - and this battle I'm ashamed to say still carries on. Don't know what it is, but I really can't stand them! Think the simple reason for this is because since they moved in the amount of noise coming from that direction has increased massively. It shows up the limitations (after over 20 yrs) of living in a townhouse. As buildings go they tend to be tightly packed together, which means that unless you are quiet, your business can soon become your neighbour's. They have two small kids who run about the place at certain times of the day and in the process make a bit of a racket, which is all a test of one's patience, a challenge shall we say. I find it hard not to feel my heart darkening towards them, wishing misfortune to come their way and all manner of other nasty things, which of course for me is a disastrous place in which to be, if looked at from a spiritual point of view.
To give up some of my energy and life force towards such negative ends will in the long run do me no good at all, but honestly it is a real difficult one for me to rise above, to not just end up hating the sight of them, silently spittin' curses of fury in their direction, all of which serve to do little more than show up my own pathetic impotence. But how I will get satisfactory resolution other than moving a million miles away from them is something I simply don't know! Let's just call it a work in progress, but make no mistake, the only one who suffers by way of generating such thoughts and images of such unadulterated black negativity is of course me, of that I am certain. Pray to Bhagavan! That might be the answer I guess, and come to think of it I don't know if I have ever seriously tried that yet, so maybe I should. As it stands at the moment however, keeping my destructive emotions in check and negativity towards them at bay is a continual struggle and is set to continue way into the future.
28/1/21
So today I will be doing the west - east Central London walk. Funny life really, I mean here I am looking forward to doing such a thing whilst so many other people in the country at the moment are suffering the ravages of Coronavirus, either directly or indirectly, either through family relations or place of work. The UK has now passed a figure of 100,000 deaths and whilst unfortunately there will be plenty more to come because the infection rates are so high at least there is hope, a glint of light on the horizon with the vaccines - Astra-Zeneca, Pfizer, Modena and all the rest of them - despite what that person with those wooden notice boards in their garden might say. Slowly but surely the vaccines are coming on line, although at the moment there is a lot of squabbling as to who gets what and when. All a bit of an undignified scramble and yet another sign - as if we needed it - that humanity is currently on the run.
Well, I'll just wait my turn, having it or not I don't think is going to alter my life a great deal at present and that is simply because I more or less keep myself to myself. Outside the unit of the house where there is Dawa Dolkar, Thinley Wangchen and myself, I have hardly come into contact with anyone else on anything like a sustained basis. Earlier in the week I was having real fears that I would soon be having to come into close contact with a dentist because of the state of the teeth in my mouth, but thankfully there has been a marked improvement in that department over the last couple of days. I seem to have got them licked - blessings of the Guru, an intense course in Tibetan medicines - and I have high hopes that a dreaded walk down the hill to the chair will now be avoided. So there it is, my own little world, with all the crustiness that goes with it, where the winds of fate have given me sanction to do what I do, which means in turn that a walk through the City is what it will be for me.
As for the writing - well apart from this, what I'm doing right now - there will probably be a bit more of the India 2020 stuff later on. I'm editing it now, polishing it up, which is fine because I have learnt the crucial factor in all this is that it is an activity which I enjoy doing, it gives me pleasure and in the process for me at least, makes it all worthwhile, justifies the time I spend on it. As the Buddha once said, if you are unable to help anyone else, at least do no harm, and as far as I can see the writing I do is pretty harmless, it keeps me out of trouble and slowly but surely, bit by bit, it is proving to be a reliable companion as I sail through the waters of this particular part of my life. In fact more often than not it is a bit of holiday when I have some good music on in the background and in that regard at the moment there is Light + Shade and Tres Lunas by Mike Oldfield, plus a rather attractive 8 album clam shell box set of Sutherland Brothers & Quiver albums all re-mastered with extra tracks and containing some great songs from the 70’s.
29/1/21
Yesterday I did the west-east walk which I have been referring to at various points in this log. The weather was dry and the walk became emptier and emptier of people the further east I went, more or less, with the odd exceptional patches here and there. Three walks were done in this manner during the final lockdown months of 2020, and this was my first in 2021, coming as it has right at the end of January. Dawa Dolkar was working in Central London yesterday you see, so the reason for going was to accompany her on the Central Line to Bond Street, where she then changed onto the Jubilee in order to go to St. Johns Wood, whilst I stayed on until I got to Queensway and got off there. Strictly speaking the walk was out of bounds for me, as under the current lockdown rules any walks for exercise you do, should only be local ones.
It was pretty empty coming out of Queensway, with no one else in the lift which took me up to ground level, and from the station it was a simple case of walking across the road into Kensington Park Gardens where I headed straight down the big wide path in the direction of The Round Pond. The sky was bright on the horizon to the south and it felt good to be striking out once again in the middle of the capital, the basic goodness of the environment I found myself in was something I would be wise not to forget. This time I was wearing my pair of Merrells instead of Sketchers because although the weather was dry it had been a raining a lot the last few days and there was plenty of water around in the form of soaked grass and big puddles. Sketchers are no good in such situations, and although the Merrells were not so light and airy, they were the ones to wear if I didn’t want to get my feet wet.
Kensington Park Gardens and The Round Pond pretty much turned out to be the busiest parts of the whole walk as far as people were concerned, to the point where a police vehicle was slowly moving down one of the wider paths with a couple of cops inside keeping an eye on things, on the look out for rule breakers, possibly people like me. In fact I've got to admit that when I saw them I had a little bit of a freak out because I realised that if one of those cops got out and asked me what I was doing there, amongst all the ducks waddling by the side of The Round Pond, I wouldn't be able to come up with a satisfactory answer.
Dun by the Plod! Nicked by the Rozzers! Slapped in the face with a nice big juicy fine by da Pigs!
These I'm afraid, were the kinda thoughts passing through my mind when I saw that cop car slowly crawling around and I don't mind admitting the sight of it caused me to slightly change the direction I was walking in so as to keep out of its way. Fortunately that part of the park is wide and spacious with many paths to chose from, so it was not too difficult to slowly but surely walk away from any potentially awkward situations such an encounter might have caused, without raising any suspicions on the part of the filth.
By the time I got down to The Serpentine and into Hyde Park proper, the Boys in Blue were long gone and I was able to breathe easy, walk by the wide expanse of water which was a little choppy under a dark grey sky with plenty of ducks and birds but not much else apart from one or two people. I took a pit stop at the bogs which were open by The Serpentine then carried on eastwards in the direction of Hyde Park Corner. Guess that part of the park, down by the wide sandy horse track on the edge of Knightsbridge where there were lots of tall trees, is the easiest place in which to feel you are about to be swallowed by the anonymous immensity of London. Countless thousands of people have trod the same ground a million times before, where you feel you are just another punter slowly but surely making your way through their allotted time in the capital. It brought home to me just how many London walks I have done over the course of what will soon be coming up to 40 years, also how many of them have been done solo, just me on my own.
There have been quite a lot of them if truth be told, with just my own thoughts for company, the quality of which have to be good enough for me to keep my head held high. Always and forever knockin' on the door it seems, waiting to be let inside some great mystery, but never to the point of opening it up. Make sense? Dunno, but the simple truth of the matter is that once again it’s me on my own whilst making my way through the heart of the city, heading down tracks I have walked more than once or twice before and the big question in relation to all that is whether I am any the wiser than when I first started? Think I know the answer - which in terms of the big incomprehensible picture where wisdom is as rare as a shootin' star in the daytime - and it’s no. Maybe a squinch, a tiny fraction, but not really much more than that.
All the same it is better to be grateful for small mercies, the fact I am coming up to the last year of my 50’s and I'm still fit enough to do these things, my city walks on a long an’ winding west - east trajectory, still able to look forward to them and pound down those miles walkin' upon the concrete of the capital. Free from disease as far as I know, and in these troubled times free from the virus, which needless to say has still been doing the rounds and pitchin' the world into a huge dog fight. Something which is destined to go on for years and years, becoming our new reality. Free from all those things then, able to travel, to walk, to wander under my own steam and on my own terms, well, depending of course on whether or not I get pulled over and asked any questions by the cops, such as to just what am I doing out there in the middle of town when all is empty and everyone else is stayin' at home? Yeah, as long as I'm not asked any damn bloody awkward questions like that, there shouldn't be any problems.
30/1/21
Those mildly paranoid visions of the Plod stayed with me on my walk, where I was having a distinct sense of doing something I really shouldn't have been doing. “Naughty boy, not at home and under cover yer dirty little bug spreader.” Who would have any sympathy for me then, if I got into a tricky rozzer coppin' situation because of it? If I had to explain what my purpose was for bein' there in the centre of town? Well, if that scenario did come along, the simple fact of the matter would be that I would have no answer.
"I'm from Woodford an' I thought it would be OK to do what I'm doin', so sorry if it's not guv'nor!"
"Oh yes, sorry you'll most certainly be my son 'coz I'm gonna be slappin' ya with an 80 quid fine, yeah that's right, an 80 quidder for breakin' da fuckin’ rules!"
No doubt at all anything like that would be damned embarrassing and I guess if I think about it, then it's weird beyond words that I should find myself having such feelings whilst being in the middle of London. Usually the capital is number one city in the world for having that sense of complete an' utter anonymity overwhelm you, protecting you from any snoopin' copper dogs coming along an' sniffin' at yer heels. Not anymore it seems, the rules have changed and sure, if you are in town for work or any other such reason deemed urgent, then that is OK, but if you're there on yet another daydream wander then you might just find you are gonna have to account for yourself in ways you might never have previously expected.
Now of course I wasn't the only dude in town, there were others around, a bit of traffic too, nevertheless when I passed the Duke of Wellington statue on Hyde Park Corner and saw another couple of cop vans idling in the road, I kept my head bent low and made haste to get into the relatively safety of Green Park. Out of the line of fire so to speak, runnin’ for cover by way headin' into the grounds of the bare trees where there were some other walkers and a scene for me to blend into. Took another pit stop at Green Park station to relieve myself in the Gents, a handy place to go if you're ever caught short since the barriers to its entrance are up and the doors wide open. In other words you get a free leak without having to worry about finding any coin to push into a slot. Oh, the joys of Covid! Out of the station it was now a straight walk down Piccadilly and it was really from this point onwards that things got very quiet indeed.
The most empty by far that I have ever seen Central London, and don't forget this is not my first walk through this part of town since the start of lockdown, more like my fourth or fifth. There was hardly anything open and hardly any people about, which meant it felt like I had the place to myself and by the time I got to the Eros statue I was standing alone under a blaze of daytime neon and more or less on my own. The only activity apart from some very light traffic, was the sound of building work going on. Yes, there was plenty of that, in fact if you think about it the lockdown has been the perfect time to be in the construction industry, especially if you have a big project to work on. You can go full steam ahead all guns blazin' because there are hardly any obstructions in the form of dumb ass pedestrians to worry about. No, none of that, just some serious banging to get stuck into.
Leicester Square was even quieter than Piccadilly, hardly any food outlets were open and of course all the cinemas, bars and clubs were shut too. Think that it was around this point - as I crossed Charing Cross Road and made my way through a deserted Cecil Court - that I began not to enjoy it so much. Guess even a punk like me must get to the point of realising at some stage that he really shouldn't be there. No real reason for being in Covent Garden as I strode through its wide and empty expanse, where if I got that tap on the shoulder I really would have been lost for words, and when I saw a bunch of cops outside Covent Garden station I quickly ducked down through an alley to take me onto Drury Lane and out of sight.
So strange to be playin' that kinda game in the middle of a city such as London. Just goes to show how quickly things can change if you make new rules and the vast majority of people stick to them, cowered into submission, apart from that is, the odd prick like me. Sign of future times to come? Population under the thumb? Who knows? All I knew at that precise moment in time was that I wanted to walk through the back streets, those empty echoin' alleyways and paths, as soon as possible in order to get onto Kingsway in Holborn. Runnin' scared? Well, not exactly, but definitely walkin' with a distinct sense of not wanting to get kippered, that was for sure. No, a kipperin' from da Plod would most definitely not have been what the doctor ordered. One of those "Ello, ello what 'ave we got 'ere then?" situations would have quite simply had me completely frucken stumped.
On Kingsway I was glad to get away from the deserted streets of Covent Garden. I waited at the lights and then walked across the road to end up at a big but closed pub called the Shakespeare's Head which in the not so dim and distant past I’d been inside on a couple of occasions. It was just along from the tube station where I continued down Kingsway on that side of the road until I passed AZO Print and saw that it was open. That was good, very good indeed, because I had built up a bunch of stuff which I needed to get printed. It meant I could email them next week with some PDF files then go from there. Get the quote, pay the dosh by way of credit card online, and then arrange to pick them up. This I guess was at last some justification for me being there, because I could say my trip to AZO was work related, so all of a sudden that potential tap on the shoulder didn't seem so scary. Personal work of course, strictly tin pot and totally my own thing, but work nevertheless and work which in me own very 'eavy very, 'umble kinda way I took quite seriously.
There was my Oz trip to print, my re-edits of the first two Snapshot Logs, some India re-writes and even possibly my Bylakuppe Tibetan Setllement piece. Plenty then, so it was good to see that the lights of AZO were on and it kinda warmed me to think I might soon be back in town in order to pick up some hard copy from them. Actually one of the AZO guys was standing in the doorway talking on his mobile phone, and if he hadn't had such a worried look on his face, hadn't been pulling so hard on his fag, I might have gone up and spoke to him. Corona blues kickin' in for him possibly, life was hard for so many under these current conditions, and it was necessary for me to remember that. Anyway my checking out was done, AZO was still goin', possibly goin' strong, so I could rest easy and carry on down Kingsway until taking a left by the London School of Economics building to walk into Lincoln's Inn Fields where I could have my lunch.
It was now 1.30 and I could feel some pretty serious stomach rumbles coming on. Found a bench, took out my flask and a boiled egg sandwich on multi-seed bread. Organic eggs from Lidl too, at 1.89 for a half dozen. A little bit of sun appeared in the sky, faint white January sun in the early afternoon, and since it was not cold being outside was pleasant. I drank my tea, I ate my food and so I was happy sitting on a bench in Lincoln's Inn Fields where, unlike what I had just walked through, there were a fair number of people around. Suddenly it felt such a privilege to be there, and after I’d finished I took some Tibetan medicine for my tooth, the pain of which was thankfully still on the wane. Think it had been a close one if truth be told, just about got away with it, no need as yet to take that walk down to the chair at the bottom of the hill. But maybe that day is still gonna come!
After lunch I had a leak in the bogs at the end of the Fields - the ones which the taxi drivers use - and then cut through Mary Ward onto Holborn where it was a straight walk down to Chancery Lane. Took the opportunity to go into W H Smith just past the tube station in order to look at the books since it was open, but there were none I fancied spending any money on, my hard earned dough, even if it ain't hard earned at all. Tess by Hardy got a look, as did Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens, but no, I was not up to jumping into any of that and thinning my cash stash in the process. Funnily enough I did take a look at the autobiography of the footballer and manager Kevin Keegan which had just come out in paperback and which thought might be a good one to later download on Kindle if it was ever going cheap.
Out of W H Smith I walked on down across the Holborn Viaduct past the Old Bailey, where the gold scales of justice had the sun shining on them against the backdrop of a deep blue sky, for the clouds had suddenly broken. Behind the scales the gold cross of St. Paul's was also blazin' in the cool light of this winter afternoon in late January 2021. So high they were, the effort and skill involved in placing them there must have been quite considerable, strength and precision required so as to ensure they didn't topple over. Symbolic of Britain somehow, this island nation standing on its own once again after the horrendous calamity of Brexit.
Usually I would have gone on past St. Paul's and cut into the cheese of the City through Masons Lane, but this time because the streets were all so damned empty I felt a little disconcerted and just didn't fancy it, so instead went back to Woodford on the Central Line from St. Paul's. I’d had enough in other words. Sittin' in an empty carriage, like the good law abiding citizen that I am, apart from possibly the odd minor indiscretion along the way, I felt relieved to be getting out of there. So, another west - east trajectory city walk was now more or less over and under my belt. 14,500 steps on my counter with one or two relatively close encounters thrown in along the way, well not that close at all really, but of course that was not how I played it within the realms of my imagination.
31/1/21
Final day of January and the weather is bright an' fresh. Think I have made an entry into this little black book for every day of this month, pretty much as per the terms of this proposed log and the only question which now remains is for how long I should continue it, should I push on into Feb or sit back and be happy with what I've got? Still don't know the answer to that question. Yesterday the weather was wet and windy which meant we didn't get out until the early evening when we went for a walk around the block. A blast of the fresh stuff before goin' back an' eatin' dinner. If the weather holds we’ll go out for a longer walk this afternoon, get our Hunters on and do some splashin' through the mud an' puddles in da Forest of Epping.
First things first though, and that means calling my folks to see how they are getting along down in South Wales. Yesterday they got their jabs, a bit late in the day as they are both well into their 80’s and the vast majority of their category of punters have already got done, but the fact of the matter is that Wales is near the bottom of the postcode lottery in terms of the implementation of their vaccination programme. Nevertheless mum and dad have got there in the end, got their pops so to speak, and not only that, they have appointments already booked for their second jabs as well. Boosters I guess, is what they must be.
Dunno when our turn will come along up here in Woodford, maybe a couple more months, but either way as long as we continue doin' what we're doin' - which is basically keepin' a low profile - then I think we're gonna be OK. Have read stories of people tryin' to jump the queue but really that isn't my kinda game, I always think of Samuel Pepys in the time of the Plague in the 1660’s when everyone else was runnin' out of town. Not him, he stayed where he was in Seething Lane and continued to walk the streets of the City of London, makin' observations which became so crucial to exposing capital life in the seventeenth century that we still read them today. What he wrote in his diaries has stuck and the reason for that is they were, or rather they are, dynamite words of truth in regard to the times he lived in.
Talkin' of words, the progress of my two current works to do with India are slowly but surely reachin' their conclusions; namely my India 2020 trip and my descriptive account of Bylakuppe. Again the critical point about each of them is that they have been enjoyable things for me to do; otherwise, what's the point? If I was being paid a million bucks to do them, then sure I'd be happy to go through some pain, but of course I'm not being paid anything at all, and this stuff is only destined for boxes stored in the roof of our house. It would therefore be more than a little sad if there had been a whole load of grief associated with gettin' them there, far better for it all to have been a happy ride, and in that regard I can honestly say that it has.
For the last couple of days my working away on the laptop has been accompanied by a playlist comprising latter day Van Morrison material and very enjoyable listening it has been too - Roll With the Punches, Versatile, The Prophet Speaks - all of them great to have on in the background as I tap some more words into the Toshiba; jazz, blues, swing, Celtic, Van the Man simply kickin' back and having a great time. The thing about those three albums is that, along with a fourth in the form of You’re Driving Me Crazy abd which is now on its way to me thanks to Amazon, they were all released within an 18 month period during the years 2017 - 2018 which,when you think about it, is a staggering burst of creativity in anyone's book.